Two Days Ago
by schntgaispocked
Summary: Hangover AU based on a tumblr post. Jim brings Spock, Bones, and Scotty to Vegas for Scotty's bachelor party; when they wake up the next day not remembering a thing, chaos ensues. Where's Scotty? Whose baby is this? Why is there an alligator in the bathroom? Only a few of the questions that need answered. Kirk/Spock. Fair warning, there will be slash. Don't like, don't read :]
1. Chapter 1

**I saw the prompt on tumblr and I just had to. I'll try to put a link to the gif post on my profile. You guys are about to be barraged with my first forays into Star Trek fic so let me know how I do. **

**Disclaimer; I don't own Star Trek (all the tears) or the Hangover for that matter.**

There wasn't a thing in the universe that could wipe the stupid grin off of Jim Kirk's face as he walked out of his apartment, duffle bag in hand. Despite the fact that he saw them regularly enough, life just got in the way when it came to hanging out with his best friends. They had all met in college and had been friends ever since. Now Scotty was getting married - and to Uhura! Flinging himself into the drivers seat of his old Jeep, he tossed his bag into the backseat and couldn't help but reminisce a little as he drove to pick up Bones at his office.

_"I might throw up on you," said a man as he was pushed down into the chair next to Jim in the free university clinic. _

_"You look rough - what happened?" It was a funny question coming from him, he was sure. His face was pretty beat up from the bar fight he had gotten into just a few hours earlier. _

_"Got into a drinking contest with some Scottish asshole, but that doesn't hold a candle to that black eye you've got. You know getting into fights like that-"_

_"I got it man, don't need the lecture," Kirk interrupted with a self-depreciating chuckle. Just then a nurse walked into the room that they had previously been the sole occupants of. Surprisingly not a lot of action in the clinic at 3am. _

_"Leonard! What are you doing here? Are you a patient? You're supposed to work your shift here in 2 hours!" she exclaimed._

_"Dammit Christine, shut up and get me an IV of saline stat!" Leonard shouted back._

_"You're not on duty right now _Doctor _McCoy," she snapped, but turned out of the room to get the IV anyway._

_"You're a doctor?!" Jim asked, surprised. _

_"Close. Med student. Only a few years until I have that MD at the end of my name," McCoy replied, leaning back in the uncomfortable waiting room chair._

_"Heh, then what are you doing getting in drinking competitions on Tuesday nights?" _

_"Divorce just finalized, I figured hell why not. Wife took everything, left me with no custody, no home...hell, all I've got left is my bones. Well, them and all these fucking student loans."_

_"Fuck," Jim breathed as Nurse Christine returned with two IVs of saline and a small med kit. _

_"Joys of growing up, kid."_

_Jim was just minding his own business, somehow managing to sprawl at his coffee table, feet on the surface and chair leaning back. It was a miracle that he hadn't kicked his laptop off of it's precarious position in the corner. _

_"Oh, that's him."_

_Recognizing the voice, he looked up and pulled out one of his headphones when he saw that it was Uhura pointing at him, standing next to an attractive tall guy with black hair. It was actually her fault he had gotten the shit kicked out of him in the bar the other night. She was forgiven though, since without that ass kicking he probably never would have met Bones who was quickly becoming one of his closest friends._

_"You know it's not polite to point," he smirked._

_"Yes, politeness seems like something I'd imagine you'd be very concerned with," she replied with a roll of her eyes. Kirk actually laughed outright, while the other man remained stoic from his position behind her. _

_"So I take it you're making me famous, then? Who's he?" he asked, nodding toward tall dark and silent. _

_"I am Spock," he responded with a raised eyebrow._

_"This is my boyfriend," Uhura went on, placing a territorial hand on his shoulder. _

_"No hard feelings, but if you had lead with that last night I think it would have played out a lot differently."_

_"This guy!" Bones shouted over the music, pointing at one Montgomery Scott, who was sitting at the DJ booth next to his friend Keenser. _

_"Oh I know him!" Kirk shouted back as they walked up to the booth._

_"Aye! I dinnae say you two could come back 'ere!" the Scotsman complained as soon as they got into the booth. _

_"Cool it Scotty! I didn't know you knew Bones."_

_"Oh you mean McCoy? Just met him the other week really. Bones?"_

_"Don't ask, the damn fool has a screw loose in his head somewhere from all those bar fights."_

_"I find it illogical that you are continuing to work on an assignment that you have claimed to have failed twice when you are not graded negatively for those failures," Spock commented from the computer across from Jim. _

_"So you're saying you would just give up?"_

_"I am saying that I would use my time in a more efficient manner, devoting it to more pressing and passable studies."_

_"I don't believe in no win scenarios."_

_Jim and Leonard were walking past the library heading toward the bar when Jim noticed Spock walking out._

_"Hey Spock!" he shouted without thinking._

_"Your friends with that bastard?!" Bones asked incredulously. _

_"Uh...I dunno, kind of?"_

_"Hello James," Spock replied as they got closer to him._

_"Spock, I'm telling you, call me Jim. I don't know why you have to be so formal all the time," Kirk complained, rolling his eyes in Bones' direction. "Hey! You wanna come with us?" he asked suddenly, the idea just popping into his head. _

_"Seriously?" Bones whispered._

_"It would depend where it is that you're going, though it seems that my company is not necessarily welcome," Spock said, doing what Jim now considered his classic eyebrow raise. _

_"We're going to meet our friend at the bar. It'll be fun, I promise. Bonesy's just being an asshole because he didn't want to come out in the first place, it's fine," he explained, before surprising Spock by grabbing his elbow and tugging him along._

Jim was forced out of his reverie when he heard a fist slamming into his window. Bones was standing outside, bag in hand, looking all kinds of pissed off. He sheepishly waved before unlocking the door.

"Dammit Jim! You call me up telling me to pack my bags and that we were leaving the minute I get out of work, I swear you were just sitting here for 15 minutes staring out into the blue. And where the hell are Spock and Scotty, anyway?!" Yup. He was pissed.

"Sorry Bones, we still have to go pick them up," he replied, shifting the car into drive. The other man didn't even grace that with a response. It was another five minutes of silence before he spoke again.

"You're fucking stuck on that know-it-all bastard still, aren't you?" Bones asked suddenly.

"What?!" Jim would not admit to having blushed. They hadn't discussed his not-that-secret crush on Spock in what seemed like years.

"You know he's with T'Pring, right?" his best friend pushed.

"Of course I know he's with T'Pring, they've been together for like 2 years! Do you seriously think I was planning on trying something?" Kirk asked, shocked and more than a little disappointed in how little credit he was given. Bones had to know him better than that by now.

"Hey, plausible deniability. Later tonight when you've had 12 shots too many I need to be able to say I tried to stop it."

"Asshole," Jim muttered as they pulled up at Scotty and Uhura's place. It was hilarious, in his opinion, that after being with Spock for so long Uhura ended up with what Jim would definitely describe as Spock's complete opposite. The couple in question were walking out the door just as he was about to lay on the horn.

"Uhura! Lovely to see you! You already look like a beautiful bride and you don't even have the gown on yet," Jim smiled as she walked up to his window and Scotty slid into the backseat, kicking everyone's bags to the floor as he did so.

"You have no shame, do you?" she asked, trying to sound pissed but smiling anyway.

"None at all," he replied, easily predicting the eye roll that followed.

"You need to promise me you guys won't get up to anything too crazy in Vegas, alright? Just the normal amount of crazy or I swear to god, Jim."

"Hey hey, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. I make no promises. Either way, you'll never know."

"Great, great, exactly what she want's to hear," Bones huffed.

"Come on! Guys! This is supposed to be a bachelor party! I didn't think I'd have to start convincing anyone to have fun until we got Spock!" he complained.

"Fine, fine. Have fun boys!" Uhurah said, holding up her arms in defeat and backing away from the car. With a few waves and a sickeningly sweet goodbye from Scotty that Jim planned on _never_ letting him live down, they were on their way to Spock's house.

"I do not see why we have to go leave the city in order to celebrate Montgomery's upcoming nuptials," the man in question said as he placed his suitcase in Jim's trunk.

"Spooooock!" he whined, "Please call everyone by their nicknames and we're going to Vegas to have fun just go with it!"

To his surprise, Spock actually sighed. "As you are well aware _Jim_, this form of entertainment does not appeal to me. The only reason I am attending is because it is an essential social convention."

"Okay okay, just get in the car."

About 8 hours and 4 long winded lectures about the dangers of consuming too much alcohol later, they were finally in Vegas. It was really hard for Jim to not strangle Bones and leave him on the side of the road somewhere in the desert. The only reason he hadn't considered doing that to Spock was that it would be hard to have the chance to date someone who was buzzard food.

"Dammit Jim, slow the fuck down!" the more likely piece of buzzard food shouted.

"I agree, the speed you are currently going is at least 11mph over the posted limit," Spock chimed in, leaning closer from his position in the backseat. Their guest of honor had been conked out for the last 3 1/2 hours.

"We're here!" he shouted, swerving violently in front of the hotel entrance, shocking the valets and waking Scotty with a start.

"Finally," Bones was out of the car with his backpack in seconds flat.

"I recommend driving with more caution in the future. The last time I was in a car with you at the wheel it was the night after graduation. I had expected that your driving would have improved since then," Spock said, locking his gaze with Jim's through the rearview mirror. When he turned around, Kirk found that his face was merely inches away from Spock's and that Scotty had already gotten out of the car. He took a faltering breath and then moved to grab his duffle bag, cheek rubbing lightly against the other man's and their hands lightly touching for a moment as he picked up the bag. He must have imagined Spock's sharp intake of breath.

"Sorry," he said softly as he leaned back up. Spock didn't respond, and soon they all had their luggage and the valet was driving off with the Jeep.

"I cannae believe you _still_ have that car!" Scotty exclaimed as they watched it disappear around the corner.

"Don't diss the car, man," Jim joked as they walked into the hotel. "Reservation for James T. Kirk," he said as he walked up to the counter. The clerk took a moment to look up some things on the computer.

"Ah yes, here are your keys sir," she replied, looking him up and down as she handed him the four keycards. He couldn't help but smirk.

"Thanks, hun," he said with a smile before turning around and walking back over to his friends, keycards raised in the air, "Let's do this!"

"I fail to see why you are so excited about procuring a hotel room," Spock said in the elevator after Jim had hit the button for their floor and subtly turned so that the others weren't in view of the controls.

"I dunno, I'm excited. If anyone can throw a bachelor party it's Jim Kirk, eh?" Scotty smiled and Bones just shrugged in agreement.

"Well of course by that logic-" Spock was cut off by the ding of the elevator finally reaching their floor.

"Took long enough," Bones commented, walking out of the elevator and directly into a ridiculously large hotel room. "Holy shit Jim."

"You cannae afford to get a new car but you rent us the penthouse suite?!" Scotty said, astonishment coating his words as he slowly walked into the room.

"Scotty is correct, Jim. It is an illogical use of money," Spock said, stopping next to where Jim was leaning against the wall and watching his two friends marveling at their quarters for the weekend.

"Hey, it's not just for Scotty. I've always wanted to stay in the Enterprise suite here. Plus, when else are we all going to be in Vegas together?" he asked, turning toward Spock and vehemently resisting the urge to lay a hand on the other man's shoulder. Every time he touched Spock it was just like another needle stuck into his heart. Why he couldn't get over him, Kirk didn't understand. They had never even been together, which made the whole thing even sadder. Bones frequently advised him to just cut Spock out of his life for good, but that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Jim..." Spock started, but trailed off. The look he gave him was unreadable before he tightened his grip on his suitcase and went to choose a room.

After sighing and taking a deep breath, Jim did the same.

"Hey Spock, looks like we're suite mates!" Scotty said good-naturedly as he walked into their shared bathroom to deposit his toiletries.

"It would appear so," he replied, not looking up. He shouldn't have agreed to come to this illogical event. A weekend of partying was the last thing he wanted to do, and spending any time with James Tiberius Kirk was never good for his emotional control.

"Spock?"

He looked up, not having realized that Mont-_ Scotty_ had been trying to speak to him. "Yes?"

"Are you alright, mate?" the Scotsman asked, walking into his suite and sitting next to him on the bed, where he had been reorganizing his suitcase after changing into his clothes for the evening.

"Yes, I am adequate," he replied tensely, closing his suitcase and sitting it on the floor next to the nightstand.

"Are you sure? Is it Jim?"

Spock was immediately taken aback by his friend's accuracy. To the best of his knowledge, neither Montgomery or Leonard knew of the hidden infatuation he had had for Jim since university. Apparently his face gave away more than he had intended, because without having given a reply, Scotty nodded gravely and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Uhura told me a few years back about the circumstances of you too breaking up back at school. Aye, it's unfortunate that the two of yeh haven't been able to-"

"I appreciate your concern Scotty, but I do not wish to discuss this matter any further," Spock interrupted, standing from the bed and turning towards the door. "I believe the others are awaiting our arrival to begin your celebration," he added, not wanting to offend the other man with his terseness. He had never been one to discuss his personal issues with others, preferring to meditate on his thoughts instead of receiving advice from his friends.

"Well we best not keep 'em waiting," Scotty replied, a smile returning to his face as he followed Spock out of the room and back into the main living area.

"Took you two long enough!" Kirk laughed, standing up from where he had been sprawled out on the couch. It continually amazed him how one man could manage to make every surface he sat on to appear so comfortable. Once he was standing, though, Spock's attention was wrapped up in other things.

Jim had dressed himself in a pair of slim fitting distressed black jeans that Spock could recall him buying pristinely new and tear free when he had convinced him to come shopping with him 3 years ago. How he had managed to keep them from fading yet ruin them at the same time was beyond his comprehension. Many things involving Jim Kirk were a mystery - a characteristic that stubbornly attracted him even more to the man. Jim also wore a black on black stripped dress shirt, a gold undershirt peeking out of the unbuttoned collar. It seemed almost impossible for him to avert his eyes, but he eventually managed. He had, however, missed the conversation that had been occurring while his attention had been otherwise involved.

"Sound like a plan, Spock?" Jim asked.

"Of course it doesn't, he's just coming along anyway," McCoy said, saving him from asking them to repeat their itinerary. He supposed it wouldn't be too terrible to 'go with the flow' as it were. With that, the doctor steered him into the elevator, Jim and Scotty following. To say he was apprehensive would be a great understatement.


	2. Chapter 2

"And what is it that you plan to do?" Spock inquired as they sat down at the bar inside of the casino.

"We're gonna get drunk, gamble, go to at least one strip club...these things are all the same," Bones replied, taking a sip of the beer the bartender had just handed him.

"Don't be such a bitter spoil sport!" Jim laughed, smacking his best friend on the back, causing him to nearly choke on his drink.

"We'll just see where the night takes us, laddies. Spock, have a drink," Scotty said, shoving a beer in front of the other man. Jim hid a grin behind his hand. It was always funny trying to get Spock to actually drink when they went out like this.

"I would rather not," he predictably replied, eyeing the beverage with distaste.

"Spock. It's his bachelor party. Think of tonight as your gift to him for his wedding," Kirk persuaded.

"But I have already purchased a wedding gift off of-"

"That's for Uhurah," Bones interrupted, getting nods of agreement from both Jim and Scotty.

"I suppose...but just the one drink," Spock qualified. At this all three of them cheered and Spock looked away as if he was ashamed to know them. They did this every time they were able to convince him to actually drink with them, though, so Jim didn't understand why he didn't just accept it as the norm. When he took a sip of the beer they all cheered again.

"Let's say after this we hit the tables?" Scotty suggested.

"Of course, Scotty! It's your party. Let's do this," Jim grinned before chugging the rest of his drink along with Scotty and Bones. Spock's eyebrow predictably rose high on his forehead.

"How very mature of the three of you."

"C'mon Spock, I know you can do this. I was there at Janice's party senior year," Jim said, walking over to sit on the stool on the other side of Spock.

"Wait, did Spock actually _get drunk_?" Bones asked, legitimately astonished.

"If my very limited memory of the night serves me right, yes he did," Kirk nodded solemnly, as if he was parting great wisdom.

"I neither confirm nor deny this event, but must say that if I were to have indeed become intoxicated at Miss. Rand's birthday party it was nowhere near as intoxicated as Jim had been."

Scotty burst into a fit of laughter before he began chanting for Spock to chug, Jim and Bones inevitably joining in.

"Very well," Spock conceded, downing the drink to yet another cheer before being herded to a card table.

"Spock you are way too sober right now!" Jim complained, chucking a betting chip at his friend.

"I should hardly think so," Spock replied, picking the chip up from where it had landed on the floor near his chair, not quite making it to it's intended target.

"A change in venue wouldn't hurt," Bones shrugged. Scotty seemed indifferent to the idea, too absorbed in the game. One of the reasons that this was the perfect location for his bachelor party was the fact that Scotty _loved_ cards.

"As I said before, I shall not be drinking anymore alcohol tonight. I do not see how a change in location would change this fact."

Jim was about to argue, but was distracted by his phone vibrating. After looking at the caller id he excused himself from the table, whispering something into Scotty's ear as he did so which earned him a suspicious look from Bones. Sometimes he felt his best friend knew him too well, but it was a two way street. Kirk knew that he wasn't going to say anything about it with everyone around.

They soon found themselves at a small table in the back of the casino's restaurant, glasses of champagne in hand. Bones had been forced not to comment at the wicked look Scotty and Jim had shared when the two of them arrived with the drinks. Something told him he didn't want to know what they were planning. If anyone knew the reckless insanity that his best friend was capable of, it was him. What Jim had in Bones and Spock were two friends who easily balanced out his insanity, keeping him in check. Scotty, on the other hand, was not so good of an influence when it came to keeping him from any ill-advised schemes.

"It seems only logical for me to believe that you had planned this," Spock sighed, looking intently at the bubbles in his glass rather than at the others.

"Suck it up, Spock, two drinks isn't gonna kill ya," Bones rolled his eyes. If Spock hadn't noticed how shady the other two had been, he certainly wasn't going to mention it. Like they needed _that_ attitude from Spock tonight.

"Very well," he muttered, finally looking up to listen to Jim's toast.

"Alright, now that we've all stopped sulking," Jim started, pointedly looking at Spock, "I would like to propose a toast. Scotty, you are one crazy Scottish fucker. If you don't think I'm going to make you join a few drinking competitions tonight you are sorely mistaken. We've known each other for nearly 9 years now, and it's been one hell of a ride much to these guys' dismay," he nodded toward Bones and Spock, "and I wouldn't trade a single second of it. Well...maybe that one night where we went to that party with those raver chicks, but that's not the point. You're about to start a whole knew chapter of your life and we're all crossing our fingers that you'll do a way better job at this than grumpy here," he laughed as he patted Bones' shoulder only to get shrugged off and playfully glared at, "I think I speak for all of us when I say we wish you all the happiness in the world, and I know I speak for me and Bones when I say cheers guys, this is going to be one hell of a night!"

With that, they all clinked their glasses together and downed them in one go. Spock followed suit this time so as to avoid the heckling that would undoubtably follow if he were to drink his champagne like an adult.

"Thank yeh, Jim. I knew I picked right choosin' meh best man," Scotty said, a ridiculously huge grin plastered onto his face.

"This is going to be a great night, guys," Jim said as he sat back down.

"I'm shaking in my boots." Bones leaned back and started to tap his fingers on the table nervously.

After that Jim could only describe the rest of the night as a blur before a blackout.

The lighting in the room was tinged red as the cabaret dancers began their routine. Scotty was getting yet another lap dance and Bones had disappeared somewhere. Spock looked over at Jim, a rather baffled expression on his face. He took a sip of his drink and then couldn't help but laugh.

"Is this the first time you've been to a strip club?" he asked.

"I see no logical reason for me to have been patron of this type of establishment before this evening, Jim."

"Spoooock! In English!"

"I don't believe I was speaking in another language."

Jim just laughed. "You smug bastard."

"No Jim, I have never been to a strip club before tonight."

"Was that so hard?"

"I cannot fathom what you are referring to."

"You do this shit on purpose!"

"You've got to be kidding me," Kirk groaned, leaning against the wall of a building in a small alleyway. He was breathing heavily.

"I-I think we're alright," Bones panted as he supported himself against a dumpster.

"I can't believe we did that," Spock gasped, rubbing at his eyes.

"No, don't do that," Jim said softly, pulling his hands away from his eyes.

"Well look at you two laddies. Do yeh need a moment now or are we goin' ta get our asses outta here?!"

"I don't wanna hear a word about responsibility from you ever again," Jim said, poking Bones in the chest for emphasis.

"You win, Jim, you totally don't need anyone to supervise or take care of you and never do stupid shit ever. What's that on your side, eh?"

Jim looked down at the gauze covering a large chunk of his side, secured with medical tape and an ace bandage. "Huh, well would you look at that?"

"Dumbass."

"Don't tell Spock!"

They walked into a brightly lit restaurant and were soon lead to a booth, where they all piled in.

"I love waffles," Spock moaned, leaning his head onto Jim's shoulder.

"Because that's a good idea," Bones rolled his eyes before waving a server over to take their order.

"I say waffles for everyone!" Scotty shouted.

"You seem tired, James. Would you like me to assist you by feeding you waffles?" Spock asked, looking up at him through his lashes.

Yeah. It was all a blur.


	3. Chapter 3

Jim woke slowly, trying to ignore the hangover that was quickly making itself known and instead trying to savor the feel of the comfortable bed beneath him and the warm body wrapped around him. Wait a second. His eyes snapped open and he tried to assess the situation even has his head throbbed, demanding some ibuprofen and a lot of water. The first three things that were obvious was that he was naked, his partner was naked, and that said partner was a guy judging by the very masculine arm that was wrapped around his torso.

Never one to go sneaking out the backdoor, so to speak, Kirk slowly turned around in the other man's arms, doing his best not to wake him. Obviously they had a good time last night, so why make everything even more awkward by causing some sort of scene -

The train of thought died in his head. He was in bed, naked, wrapped in _Spock's arms._ How did this even happen?! He couldn't even remember what they did last night after...maybe the strip club? There wasn't even that much that he was sure of. What he did know was that he had to wake up his friend before he awoke on his own to see Jim staring at him, no doubt with some awestruck look on his face.

"Spock? Hey, Spock," he whispered. All he received in reply was some displeased mumbling and Spock's arms tightening around him as the other man burrowed closer. Shit. Shit shit shit. This was doing thinks to James' anatomy that he would much rather avoid at this point in time. "Spock!"

"Huh?" Spock looked around, obviously confused, before locking eyes with Jim. "What...we, uh..."

"It seems like it. I was actually hoping you would remember what happened," he admitted with a sheepish grin.

"I...I am afraid that my memory has finally failed me. I have no recollection of the events that transpired to lead us to our present...situation..."

"Situation..." Jim muttered, laughing a little to himself. He would never admit it, especially not to Bones, but he loved the way that Spock spoke. It was all so precise and carefully worded.

As if only just noticing how he had entangled himself with Jim, Spock slowly began to disengage. Before they could continue to ponder how they had ended up in bed together, Bones managed to interrupt.

"What in god's name happened here!" they heard him shout from the main area. Sharing a quick glance, the both got up and managed to find most of the clothes they had been wearing yesterday strewn around the room. Another thing that Jim was prepared to deny was any and all peripheral glances at his friend's naked form. Never happened - there was no proof.

When Kirk and Spock left what they now confirmed to be Spock's room, they could understand Bones' shock upon waking. The hotel room was a disaster area. Furniture was damaged and overturned, the place was littered with bottles, glasses, clothing, and other various bits of trash. As they were taking the whole scene in, a mangy looking cat crawled out from under the flipped over couch and proceeded to walk over to Bones and meow loudly.

"The hell! Why is there a cat here?! What even happened last night? I don't remember a goddamn thing..." their irritated friend trailed off, rubbing his head. "I hate cats..." he muttered, stepping over the one currently harassing him and righting the couch just to collapse onto it.

"I find cats to be quite excellent companions," Spock said, lifting it up and beginning to pet it fondly.

"They're terrors. Bring in all sorts of germs and disease," the doctor's complaints were muffled by the pillow he had pulled over his face.

"That could be said for any animal. Cats are actually quite clean, as they pride themselves in personal groo-"

"I don't like 'em, Spock. I don't like dogs either."

"I see."

"C'mon guys, could we focus less on the cat and more on what the hell _else_ happened last night? Me 'n Spock can't remember anything either."

Flinging the pillow back off of the couch, Bones looked up at them with narrowed eyes. "Yeah, I have a few more questions actually. First off, why were you two-"

"Have either of you seen Mont- Scotty yet this morning?" Spock interrupted, sitting the cat down on the couch next to McCoy.

"Hey!" he complained.

"No, I haven't," Jim replied, silently thanking Spock for the quick save.

"Get off a' me," Bones continued, finally succeeding in displacing the overly affectionate cat from his lap. "No, I haven't seen 'im. Why don't you go wake him up, he's probably sleeping it off if his hangover's anywhere near as bas as mine. What I would give to be back home where I had access to an IV of saline!"

"Ugh, yeah..." Jim agreed, rubbing his hands down his face, "how're you feeling?" he asked Spock. "You barely ever drink, this must be awful for you."

"I will admit, it is not pleasant...but it is nothing that cannot be cured by some simple rehydration and rest. I do believe we should head back to San Francisco as soon as possible. We will already have to pay a considerable amount in damages," he replied as he headed back into his room with the intention of entering Scotty's through their adjoining bathroom. Jim shoved his best friends legs off of the couch to sit next to him.

"Seriously, though. You and Spock..."

Jim sighed. He should have known that Bones wouldn't just let something like that go. "I don't want to talk about it," he replied, closing his eyes.

"So you guys-"

"I don't even remember, Bones!" he hissed.

"Well what do you know? I mean some things can cumulate to be pretty damning evidence, when you-"

They were interrupted from what Jim considered to be a painful conversation by a loud scream that sent them both racing off the couch. When they got into the room, they slammed into a very panicked looking Spock - shocking enough in itself given the fact that he normally wore a very impassive expression no matter what the situation.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked, grabbing him by the elbow and dragging him out of the room. Bones stayed in the doorway, looking warily at the bathroom door.

"There - is an - _alligator_ - in the bathroom," Spock panted.

"What the-!" Bones didn't even finish his tirade for once, breaking off to rush out of the room and over to Scotty's door which he opened without preamble. "He's not here!"

"This is bad," Jim muttered, well aware that he was stating the obvious.

"Ya think?! What are we gonna do?!"

Before they could even begin to come up with a solution, they were once again interrupted - this time by a wailing coming from the closet. Aside from Spock, who was in a state of shock and mumbling about how the alligator ate his glasses, Jim was the closest and bravely ventured over to investigate.

"Shit."

There was a baby. There was a baby in the closet.

Suddenly exhausted and with his head still pounding, Kirk picked up the small little boy and looked around. Sure enough, he was able to locate a car seat and a diaper bag sitting on the counter of the small kitchenette. The car seat was filled with beer, but that was something he preferred not to think about.

"Guys...we have a baby..." he trailed off as he walked back to the other two. Bones now had Spock seated on the couch and looked to be giving him an eye exam.

"Why am I not surprised," his best friend replied gruffly, turning around. Since out of all of them, Leonard was the only parent, Jim didn't hesitate to hand over the baby. Now with an unimpeded view, he could see that Spock had calmed down enough to have schooled his expression once again.

"How are your eyes?" he asked, sitting next to him hesitantly. So Bones knew that something happened, big deal. He didn't see Bones saying anything about it in front of Spock...at least not right now. There was too many other things to worry about.

"My vision is currently 20/20 at least," Spock replied.

"Huh?" he didn't understand, "Do you have contacts in or...?" A person didn't just magically wake up with perfect vision. Despite the fact that he wasn't using it for anything, Jim had genius level intelligence. When he had finished university the job offers had come in hordes.

Some people believe that he is in a rut, or some sort of depression. The truth of the matter was, though, that he didn't want to leave San Francisco and his friends - not for anything. He didn't care about money or any sort of 'fame' that he could potentially achieve. Growing up he had had an absent mother, an abusive step-father, and an older brother who had run off as soon as he was able. The friends he had managed to make when he had finally gotten out of Iowa felt more like family to him than anyone he was related to by blood or otherwise.

Bones had graduated from Med School at the end of Jim's sophomore year. It made him happy that his friend had chosen to remain in the city to do his internship and residency, if only so that he could remain close to his daughter. When Spock graduated a year ahead of him he also stayed in San Francisco, having been offered a great position at a scientific research facility in the area. During their senior year, Scotty had spent half of his time interning at an advanced engineering facility. Upon graduating that had transferred into a full time position.

The particular skill set that James T. Kirk possessed was best suited for a versatile and unfixed position. If he were to attempt to cash in on his 'full potential', he would never be in the same place for long. Double majoring in political science and physics with a minor in computer sciences as well as training in a special advanced weaponry programme, Jim could easily enter any type of government position. Some offers that he neglected to mention to his friends were to be a diplomatic attache, special activist in the CIA's science and technology department, a special agent in the FBI, a Special Ops position in the US military, a position in the air ops branch of the ICS, and an aerospace engineering position at NASA among many others.

Sometimes he felt like he was keeping this weird secret and wanted to tell them about it...but he knew they would be disappointed in him, he could just feel it. Sometimes he also wanted to tell them about how he had learned Tang Soo Do when he was stuck in North Korea during the famine when he was 12 years old. It would be so fun to spar with Spock and Scotty, but he felt nervous about the chances of them asking about it.

His step-father had brought him to North Korea with him when he was doing some government work involving an underground site in Kumchang-ni. After a close call with child protective services, he didn't feel safe leaving Jim home alone for a significant amount of time. Winona had been in Africa with the Peace Corps for the past 3 years and wasn't about to come back anytime soon. To this day Jim has no idea what happened to his step-father - all he knows is that he spent the next 2 years living in a hotel, the streets, the home of a very nice old couple, and finally a cave in the woods along with other abandoned children. A lot of bad things happened. He didn't want to relive it, though.

He couldn't help but feel inadequate, though, as Spock stared back at him. James Tiberius Kirk, who did so well in college, working as a mechanic and living in a cheap apartment.

"No...I do not have contacts in. I'm very perplexed."

"Well yeah! I wanna know what the hell happened last night."

"Think that's the general consensus there, Jim. Let me get this straight, see if I've got this right. Currently we have a _missing groom_, someones _kid,_ an _alligator in the bathroom_, as well as a cat wandering around somewhere. Oh and some kind of miracle happened and Spock has perfect vision."

"That seems to be the list of our current predicaments," Spock agreed.

"Well, the last place I remember being was that strip club. I say we head there and see if anyone remembers us. Seems like we were probably a pretty memorable group. If not, chances are there's some sort of security footage we can get access to whether it's at the venue or the surrounding outdoor cameras."

Bones sighed and walked over to the car seat, where he began to unload the beer bottles. "Well, if we're going to get into a fucked up situation like this, at least we got into it with Captain James Kirk, huh?"

"Ugh I thought that nickname had finally died!" Jim groaned, leaning further on the couch and resting his head on Spock's shoulder without thinking.

"I believe we should begin our search as soon as possible. The longer we wait the higher the chance of variables changing. Already the statistical chances of us locating Scotty are dropping from-"

"Give it a rest, would ya? Come on lovebirds, let's get the car and go." Bones now had the baby in the car seat and was standing next to the door, tapping his foot impatiently. Jim snapped to attention and got up, jumping over the broken coffee table in his haste to get to the door. So much for his best friend keeping his goddamn mouth shut. Spock followed dutifully behind him. If he had any reaction or opinion on what McCoy had said, there was no way he could tell.

They were silent during the elevator ride down to the lobby. Jim felt like he could cut the tension with a knife, but he didn't want to be the one to break the heavy silence. No one spoke until they were outside, waiting for the valet to deliver Jim's Jeep.

"I hope you guys know that after this I am never going out drinking with you ever again. Dammit Jim, I knew this was a bad idea," Bones complained.

"Fine, Bones. I'll just go drinking with Spock here," he joked.

"I am not sure if that would be advisable," replied the man in question.

"C'mon, Spock! You're going to have to be my new best friend since Bonesy here's had his last straw," Kirk whined, fake pouting.

"Well, I-"

As much as he wanted to know how that sentence was going to end, Jim never found out. The valet driver had finally arrived with their car...at least it had to be theirs, since it was the same guy who was walking back up to them and holding out Jim's keys.

"Uh...thanks," Jim said, grabbing the offered keys and examining them. He was too shocked to realize that the valet was expecting a tip, or that Spock had tipped in his stead. They were definitely his keys, all of his keychains were there - a space shuttle keychain, a stupid keychain he had gotten in university, a bottle opener keychain, and a mini swiss army keychain with a small compass hanging off of it - along with the keys to his apartment, his storage locker, the shop, and his Jeep. The only difference was the new key, attached to the bottle opener's ring.

"We have a fucking cop car," Bones whispered, horrified.

"You've got to admit, you're a little psyched," Jim said, grinning and not hesitating to slide into the driver's seat. Spock was silent as he entered the passenger's side, though he seemed to be analyzing every detail of their acquired vehicle.

"Aww hell," Bones sighed, before reluctantly getting into the backseat with his new charge. "When we get back to California, you're going to buy me the best top shelf whiskey I can find."

"Thought you weren't gonna be drinking with me anymore?" Jim countered, laughing as he peeled out of the parking lot.

"I'm not. You're just gonna be the one buying it. I'll even just take the cash."


End file.
